Britain vs. Germany PART 3.

Match preview:

I’ve been residing in Germany for 5 months now and feel like I’m eligible to truly compare the two states of living, in the nicest way possible. You’re probably wondering where parts 1 and 2 are? I’ll leave that puzzle to you…

Regardless of where you’re from, I’m sure you have your own ideas of what life in Britain is like and what life in Germany is like. Well here’s a truthful and blunt post about it.

Round 1: travel

The rumour is true, Germany is very good at doing the whole being on time thing. And England really isn’t. Germany has double decker trains, England has full aisles (yes, Branson, it’s true!). B 0-1 G

BUTTTT I did expect train and bus fares to be much cheaper in Germany than on Brexit Island, and was disappointed to find out they kind of aren’t. B 1-1 G

Nevertheless long distance travel takes less time in Germany than Britain so I guess they just about scrape past in the lead at the end of round 1. B 1-2 G

Round 2: food

First of all I’m vegetarian so any points earned here are very well done on behalf of both nations that are obsessed with eating corpses. Sorry got carried away there..

The obvious place to start is price and I have to say vegetarian substitutes in Germany are a lot more expensive than in Britain. Even veggie Bratwurst isn’t on offer much. B 2-2 G

Street food in Britain is something I strategically avoid because I always just seem to assume the food has been shat or spit on? Anyone else? Yet in Germany it just seems so much more appealing. And the pastries are better. B 2-3 G

Maybe it’s just my experience but there seems to be fewer big chain restaurants in Germany compared to the Americanised Britain (except Maccies), and it always feels nicer knowing you’re going into somebody’s own restaurant where they’ve chosen in their little group their own special menu. Nice. Two goal cushion for Deutschland. B 2-4 G

Round 3: Sundays

Okay so, basically…no shopping on Sunday in Germany !!!!!! Ran out of milk? Tough, gotta wait until 7am Monday. Honestly it’s 2018 why is some of Europe still like this???? B 3-4 G

Roast dinners aren’t pined over in Germany either. Maybe because they don’t have an Ireland to steal potatoes from, maybe not. Either way, I miss the excitement over roast potatoes. And just like that, Germany have lost their cushion. The beautiful game at its finest. B 4-4 G

Round 4: weather

Both countries are going to be deducted a point each for their abysmal performances in this round. Coming to Germany from Britain I was expecting it to be much easier to keep up with the climate but god no, it is just as bad. For example I’m currently writing this whilst it’s snowing outside, but I started writing this post a few days ago in the sunshine. What. B 3-3 G.

Round 5: miscellaneous (who else learned that word on The Sims?)

Deutsche Post managed to get concert tickets to me approximately 36 hours after purchasing them. Royal Mail really is shaking. B 3-4 G

University is cheap as fuck in Germany compared to the £56003483 it costs in England (hello, Scotland). Michael Gove and whoever is now the Minister for Education is SHAKING. B 3-5 G

And finally, Britain has one last thing up its sleeve…the larger presence of cats. Well worthy of more than one point, but I’m not going to break the rules. Yes, cats are just a lot more present on our lonely island, I don’t know. It’s certainly something I miss during my time in Germany. B 4-5 G

Post match review:

There were certainly moments I thought Germany were going to throw it all away, but they managed to hold on in the end and get a win against their historical rivals.


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